Carly's Goodbye

Hello all! I have started a new blog since WordPress is no longer accessible with my screenreader. Today, I have a surprise for y'all.

As I may have mentioned, Blind and Broken was one of the hardest books I've ever written. Tyberius and Carly dealt with some pretty deep stuff. For those of you who aren't aware, Tyberius was an alcoholic. He drank because of his hatred of himself and his disability. The story of Carly and Tyberius's relationship was heartwrenching, emotional, and full of twists and turns. I will post the link to the book below, but please, try to enjoy this last encounter between the couple. Tyberius shows up as a ghost to make things right with his sub, but will she hear him out?

*****

Tyberius

I stood outside of Carly’s bedroom door. I didn’t want to scare her, but God had given me another chance to make things right. However, In my heart, I knew that I didn’t deserve another chance, not after the way I had hurt Carly. It had been a year, and she’d been all I had thought about. I had really fucked up.

I pushed through the wood, and was greeted by a sweet smell—Carly. Her scent was still as intoxicating as I remembered it, and I floated around the room, touching, smelling, listening. I heard breathing off to the left, and I floated down, landing softly on the blanket next to my girl. I reached out a hand, and came into contact with her silken strands. I ran my fingers through them, closing my eyes as I allowed them to fall through my fingers. My girl. I opened my mouth, hoping that Carly wouldn’t be spooked. I was a ghost to her, but I could still feel her, hear her, taste her. I shook my head as I spoke.

“Carly? It’s me, Tyberius. I know we haven’t spoken since… well, before I died. God has given me a second chance to make things right with the people I’ve hurt, and you had to be the first one. I need you to wake up so we can talk. Can you do that for me?”

Nothing happened for a minute, so I slipped my hand underneath the covers and rubbed her back. She stirred, and I smiled.

“Hey, baby. I’m here.”

Suddenly, she was gasping for air as she scrambled from the bed, and I didn’t move for fear of scaring her. She was attempting to catch her breath, and she was mumbling something that sounded like “Oh God.”

“Tyberius?” Her voice sounded strained, and I knew that she was trying not to cry. “Is that you?”

“It is, baby. God has given me another…”

I was almost knocked backwards as she threw herself at me. My arms went around her, holding her close. God, she had lost a lot of weight, was that because of me? Sobs wracked her body, and I rocked her back and forth as she hiccuped.

“I… I… how are you here?” She stammered, and I pressed a finger to her lips.

“God lead me here. I have one chance to make things right with you, and I won’t bore you with the mundane details of my arrival. I just needed to know you were safe.”

“I am, but… you aren’t real? Is this a dream?” I felt a shiver course through her body, and my heart ached. 

“If you can feel me, hear me, smell my scent, then, I am real. Carly,” I started. “I am so sorry for everything that I put you through. Our last encounter together was really hard, because I knew that you were done with me. I had fucked up, and I will never be able to make up for my mistakes. I… I’m so sorry.” Tears flowed down my cheeks, and Carly’s hand wiped them away.

“If we’re being honest, this last year has been really hard for me. All of my friends are happy, even Rachel, whose being trained by Cyrus in becoming a better Dominant. I just… BDSM isn’t the same anymore for me.” I heard the pain in her voice, and I shuddered. This was all my fault.

“Because of me?”

“Yes. I was so excited to start exploring this lifestyle with a capable and trustworthy Dominant,” she started, maneuvering her body into a sitting position. “What I got in return was a broken alcoholic man who allowed me to be kidnapped. You lied to me, Tyberius. You played with me while you were under the influence, made me believe you were sober, oh God!” Her body was a mess of limbs as she scrambled away from me, and I felt the loss immediately. She wasn’t holding back, and I needed to let her get this out, but hearing her say the words didn’t make the pain in my heart lessen.

“Carly, I drank because I hated who I was as a blind man, and when I had alcohol in my system, I felt like I could do anything. I felt strong enough to walk into The Red Lair and not worry about my disability. I didn’t expect to catch feelings for you, but by the time I realized what was happening, I… I…” I swallowed, unable to finish my sentence. I sounded pathetic as hell!

“Over the last year, I have watched miraculous things happen because of a caring Dominant. You, Tyberius, fucked with my emotions, got what you wanted out of me, and then, you couldn’t put the damn bottle down. You aren’t even real!” She yelled, and my heart shattered into a million pieces. “I defended you to everyone. I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I… I loved you.”

“I loved you too, honey. Don’t you see that? That’s why I’m here, trying to make things right. I’m so sorry I hurt you. All I wanted was to show you what true love could feel like. I wanted to be the Dominant that you could look to for guidance, structure, strength. I will admit that when we first met, I had no intentions of starting a relationship. I just… didn’t care about that stuff. I only wanted a play partner…”

“Someone who you could play with, and then, kick out when it was time for your next drink? I get it now. You started spiraling, and during that downhill slide, you realized that you loved me. However, that didn’t stop you from lying to me the night of our last scene. I was kidnapped, dammit! I still have nightmares about those men, Carter…”

“For fuck’s sake, stop it!” I dropped my head into my hands, loud sobs erupting from me. The pain was unbearable as I heard her ticking off my mistakes one by one. I needed it to stop. “What can I do to make this right? I’ll do anything.”

Carly

I could see the hurt on his face, hear it in his sobs, but I didn’t care. I loved him, but over the last year, I had come to realize that our dynamic wasn’t real. My love was for him, but I couldn’t trust him.

“Leave. You’ve said what you came here to say, and so have I. We loved each other, but in the end, you chose the bottle, and you will continue to choose it.”

“Carly,” he said as his blind eyes met mine. “I had vowed to stop after… I had those shots of Everclear. I didn’t know that I would be standing in front of God just minutes later, telling Him why I should be let into the pearly gates of heaven. I wanted to stop drinking, to get the help, but… it was too late.”

“Well, I have sworn off the lifestyle because of your death and how you treated me when you were alive. I…” I sniffled. “I know that not all Dominants are going to be like you, but… it is going to take me a while to trust again.”

“I understand,” he said, and I watched him as he majestically floated above my bed. “I know that you wanted more from our dynamic, and I’m sorry that I couldn’t give that to you. I wouldn’t have been a good life partner, so maybe, it was a mistake to have come here. I’m sorry for wasting your time…”

I reached for him, and his skin met mine as he fell into my arms. Everything about him was the same, but I was the one who had changed. I had let one bad experience turn me away from a lifestyle that I was hell-bent on experiencing. I realized that I hadn’t known Tyberius at all, but what couldn’t be disguised was his dominance… when he was sober. He took control, was confident, sexy, thorough, demanding, but in the end, the bottle was what he went home to. He wasn’t looking for a real-life partner, and even if I could have changed him, he would have been looking at me to depend on. I would have been the reason he stopped drinking, and a crutch wasn’t what I wanted to be. I wanted to be his equal, and that never would have happened.

“I think that we were over before we began.” I said simply, and he shivered in my arms.

“Carly, don’t give up on BDSM. If you want to be happy, then, don’t let me stand in your way. I know that I hurt you, and every day, I’m reminded of that. I love you, honey, but I am dead. Live your life. Our dynamic was the most purest and authentic thing I have ever known.” He sniffled, and I looked down into his eyes. He was serious.

“I love you too, but our chapter closed when you died. The wound has stayed open, because I needed closure, and now that I’ve got it, I will work on building myself back up. I need to be Carly Porter again, not the Caroline that you used to call me. I will find the strength to move forward, with or without BDSM. Goodbye, Tyberius.”

Slowly, his body moved, and I watched as he vanished into thin air. I felt my chest constrict as my door moved slightly, and I fell back onto my bed, tears falling freely from my eyes. He was here, and now, he was gone. Was I too hard on him? Did he hate me? I closed my eyes, and inhaled deeply to calm my racing heart. God, thank You for giving me the closure I needed to heal. 

To read Blind and Broken, follow this link:

Blind and Broken